Running Mummies, Buggy Fit... whatever it's called, it's rubbish

Last night, after my third pint (I don't even drink lager) in a crap smoke-filled pub, my mobile phone bleeped.
'R U coming to Running Mummies 2moro?' Postnatal Group Yum Mum texted. Somewhere in the booze-filled fug of my memory I recalled that I'd promised to go. 'Starts @ 9.30.'
I spluttered into my pint. I'd been once before with a normal down-to-earth Mum friend who just happens to love exercise — and I hated it. Nine super-fit, fresh-faced, up-with-the-lark Yummies pushing their Stokkes and Bugaboos jauntily round the park while I trailed behind, coughing, spluttering, creaking... and panicking that the rattly old wheels of my £50 stroller would fall off at any moment. Sam juddered over every bump like a mini pneumatic drill. And I paid £5 for the privilege.
Rumour has it that the long-suffering twins, which the Running Mummies leader pushes effortlessly around in her fancy three-wheeler, are actually 'borrowed' from a friend - what a fake! Not for her the fear of your womb plopping through your pelvic floor as you thud across the tarmac.
'Don't think I'll make it,' I texted Yum Mum back. 'Sam's got a doctor's appt.' Its for situations like that that the white lie was invented.
This morning at 9.30, as I fed Sam his Weetabix, while still in my dressing gown, I marveled at how these Yummies do it. They actually get up, get the baby up, dressed, fed and in the Stokke all by 9.30am.
Personally, I never make it out of the house before about 12... that's generally after washing up all the plates from last night's dinner, two nappy changes, an epic hunt for Sam's hat and gloves, another nappy change, a mammoth screaming struggle to wrestle Sam's coat on and then, finally stepping out of the front door only to discover I've forgotten Sam's juice beaker or, on one occasion, Sam. And if anyone thinks I've got the energy to prance around the park after that they've got another think coming.
Top tip: If you ever leave the house without a spare nappy, two sanitary towels pressed together work wonders. I speak from experience.